This is how I feel sometimes when it comes to food. The cat trying to get the fish in the fish bowl. Don’t ask me why but food seems to be the ever constant battle with me. Is it because I desire to eat “perfectly”? The whole sugar-free thing is a bust and I’m trying to start again. I was quite “good” all week. Well, I was terrible. I had a few items that contained sugar but I told myself that it was ok because it contained little sugar. It’s all bullshit really. I’m cheating myself. It has been so hard this round trying to give up sugar, weight train, pack to move and keep up social appearances. I don’t know how some people do it.

One reason I am struggling is because I feel like I’m being deprived. Is that wrong? There is clearly a bunch of emotions and thoughts that need to be reconciled within me that I haven’t quite dealt with when I went into this. I’m feeling like a bit of a fraud trying to practise what I preach. I am beginning if I am really doing this for all the right reasons. I have to admit one of the reasons was the attraction to the fact that people mentioned they lost lots of weight by doing so. I think that this wouldn’t be a case with me because I am already at the weight / size that I want to be. I am at the moment trying to “strengthen” myself. I also thought that by doing this that I could prove that I am very disciplined but that has backfired so badly. My weekend away in Melbourne involved me gorging cakes and chocolate like there was no tomorrow. I did feel very remorseful over it and really I haven’t gotten over it. Cravings have taken the better of me.

I think this is what I am struggling with. Trying to prove to everyone how perfect I am going to do this and this has killed my spirit a little. I think that this time, I am going to take things step by step. I bought an e-book by Sarah Wilson called I quit Sugar. It is an 8-week plan to quit sugar. I flicked through it over the last few days and I liked the approach taken whereby you go through the process of quitting sugar. It was hard when I first started as I had no real plan, no idea what I was getting myself into. I will be following it over the next few weeks to see how I go. I will need to reconcile with myself that I am not depriving myself of anything. I just need to make wiser decisions for the greater good of my health goals.

The perfectionist in me needs to take a backseat and let things take its course. This is still one aspect of my life that I want to control, calorie by calorie, grain by grain…

I had set myself the goal of blogging everyday of this round but from Friday night onwards, that didn’t quite seem to fit into the plan. I met my friends after work to catch the game – All Blacks vs Japan. We ended up at the Pig ‘n’ Whistle and had a couple of beers and snacks. It was great fun and enjoyed the whole atmosphere. After that we had some Korean food. Now I had read up on what I could have and all that and found beer was on the OK list. However, the moment we ended up at the Korean restaurant, I completely forgot how much of the food we ordered had sugar in it! D’oh. Thank god we shared a lot of food, so I didn’t feel too bad.

Saturday got up early and went down to the gym and smashed out my SSS. I had an apple after my workout as I had left my shaker for protein at work. Not doing too bad so far sabotaging my sugar intake. That afternoon managed to stay out of too much trouble except for my green tea latte… yeah damn soy milk has cane sugar. Another schoolgirl error. The evening was pretty much a write-off. Disappointed with the nutrition side of things but decided to get back on track on Sunday.

Yoga on Sunday and I got there in shock. I was surprised by the number of people that were already there. I was wondering what the heck was going on? To my horror and delight, we had a guest yogi, Noah Maze, taking the class. Then he goes on to say that it’s a hip-opening class. Everyone groaned. Yep. It was painful but at the same time, amazing. I never expected myself to do some of the poses that came up but am proud. I do have to say that the energy and warmth in the room really did help. I am so blessed to have been in a class conducted by him. Definitely a must do if you ever get the opportunity. The rest of the day was slaving away in the kitchen roasting up all the veges for the week. I don’t think I ever roasted that many veges in the space of 4 hours. Anyway, food in the evening was a disaster and my flatmate and I went out for Chinese. Ah good old greasy, crispy chicken rice.

I have to say that this weekend has definitely taught me that there are so many hidden places where sugar could be added into your food. Sauces, seasoning, packaged products, etc. It drives me crazy. I do value that we should be cooking more at home. I am just trying to find out how I could get my friends in on the act too. It’s still early days but I still get the feeling that none of them “get it”. That it’s not OK to have the f-ing donut covered in cinnamon sugar, or to bring ice cream to the house. Today my flatmate organised a barbecue which I “politely” refused. I got back and my other friends who were attending had brought sugar-coated donuts, ice cream, chocolate cake and the works. Seriously people. Whenever I watch the video about why we act like children around food, this is such a classic case. I just don’t understand. I get the feeling that we have been all too conditioned by marketing that an occasion like this must have all this crap. I’m sorry, I don’t want Type-2 diabetes thanks.

I am so pleased today because I am feeling back to normal. I am quite surprised how quickly I have gotten back my rythme and feeling A-OK! It’s awesome. Haven’t added much in terms of diet and eating quite normally today. I did get over 1400 calories but nothing to really worry about. Today’s workout was pretty light as it was the Friday program as I prefer doing abs before SSS on Saturdays. Gives me a bit of a break before this big session. I am going to get my 1km time trial done. I am quickly writing this up as I really should be getting to bed now.

So there you go. Sugar “detox” going to plan and feeling great. I am hoping to let this go on for another week and then start adding natural sugar back into my diet but in small doses. I wonder if it will cause my other gut issues to return, which by the way, has reduced quite a fair bit this week because I have cut out so much sugar – or what I determined as too much sugar.

Here’s what I ate today:

• Hardboiled egg with avocado toast
• 12wbt – Nat’s Lasagne
• Chargrilled Beef With Avocado Corn Salsa
• Large coffee with a dash of Oat milk
• Strawberries with Greek yoghurt and petitas and walnuts
• Kiwifruit
• Carrot and Celery sticks
• Rice thins with laughing cow cheese and hardboiled egg white
• Roasted chickpeas
• Raspberries (6 berries)

So that is it to talk about today. Tomorrow will be interesting as I will be headed to the pub to catch the All Blacks play Japan. I think I will have a beer and will try to order something healthy…. try…

Yeah I’ve gotta feelin’ I’m getting there! This morning was a struggle but managed to pick up after lunch. Definitely no shakes and was able to get through it much better. I am not sure if it was food or just that my body is adjusting to the new sugar levels. I also had more things to focus on today so that I guess distracted me for a moment.

Today’s food:

• Homemade baked beans with scrambled eggs and wholemeal toast
• Berries and Greek yoghurt with walnuts and pepitas
• 10 almonds
• Carrot and celery sticks
• 1 Kiwifruit
• 2 Corn cruskits
• Hardboiled egg white on wholemeal toast with laughing cow cheese wedge
• Curried egg sandwich
• Lasagna with handful of spinach and rocket
• Rice thins with vegemite

I did get about 1500 calories in. I was quite hungry after my workout and figured it would be ok to top up a little tonight to quell the hunger. I don’t think I am able to live that well on 1200 calories while doing this lean and strong program. I remember after about 6 weeks in being very hungry, tired and not 100% even though I said I was. According to MyFitnessPal, I am exceeding my daily protein allowance and definitely not having enough carbs. Don’t know. Obviously not all the data entered in there is terribly accurate. Too much confusion and too much information for me to process so I am doing what feels right. I don’t think I’ve had too much carbs at all. I definitely think today’s breakfast made a difference. I was feeling off in the morning but really did pick back up after lunch. Strange but good. I hope tomorrow is even better. I’ve decided after today to try to aim for between 1400-1500 calories. I am certain I can still lose whatever weight I put on in the previous weeks and try to maintain that. I think more protein in the morning is key at the moment so I will do the scrambled eggs again although I don’t have baked beans I think I’ll just add a tomato into the mix.

S0 there we go. Progress is being made in the sugar department. I hope by week’s end I will be tip-top!

Ah, day 2 has been hard. I had been so irritable. LOL. I am still feeling fuzzy. Last night I crashed out at 9.30pm. Tonight, I’m still here typing away so slightly better but pretty sure when the head hits the pillow, I will knock out. Everything is still a bit of a blur but once I get food in I get that burst and get by until the next drop. I am going to the doctors next week so I will ask him if this is ok. If I’m better next week, I might not bother asking. I’m hoping that it will fine and I will be back on the track with how I feel.

I went over 1300 calories today because of my low blood sugar feeling – giddy, fuzzy, etc. I had to get more food in to get my blood sugar levels right. I’m still feeling a bit low but still managed to get through my workouts without any issues. Was definitely shaky so not sure what to do there. More research required I think. Perhaps not the best idea to be going off sugar, limiting calories while doing weights. Any thoughts people out there?

So today I ate:

• 1 hardboiled egg with avocado and Burgen wholemeal and seed toast
• Greek yoghurt with blueberries, walnuts and pepitas
• Minestrone soup with a slice of Burgen wholemeal and see toast
• 5 almonds
• 10 Sakatas
• 1 hardboiled egg, half wedge laughing cow cheese, 2 corn Cruskits
• 2 Cruskets
• 1 carrot and 1 celery stalk
• 1 large black coffee
• chargrilled steak with corn and avocado salsa

That added up to being around 1330 calories. Not too bad I have to say. The weights session was hard today because it was arms, I did too many planks yesterday at yoga and also I had to move around to get my equipment or move to other areas. It was fun though and surprised myself by being able to chest press with the barbell. It was great.

Anyway, this article on NY Times was an interesting insight. It talks about the research on sugar and how it affects us. There is still much debate on how harmful sugar / fructose is. I don’t know what to think about it but I believe that it is a great idea to limit the amount of refined, processed crap in our body.

Today was the beginning of round 3 of the 12WBT. Exciting times and today also marked my beginning of going (refined) sugar free. Now one of my friends asked what prompted me to do this. Well there were many factors. First one being my increased intake of chocolate bars, lollies, ice cream and crap in general. I used to have one as an odd treat now and then on the program. I would calculate that into my calories and be none the wiser. However, now with the increased calorie intake, I would have it as a snack. Yeah, well done. What a great snack. So that kind of went overboard when I would have a few during my 3pm snack along with my selected healthy snack. That just threw my calories out of whack and I’d get home and be gorging on anything sweet. This was during the off-season I might add.

The next was during my discovery of paleo desserts, I stumbled upon a blog by Sarah Wilson. She has some great views on diet as she has an autoimmune disorder. This means that she has to stay away from certain foods due to this issue. This led her to quitting sugar after reading up on the book by David Gillespe, Sweet Poison (apparently this book has been out for ages and there is a follow up book that’s the Quit Sugar plan – I flicked through it, thought about buying it but his blog and forum is pretty detailed). After reading the articles and various links, I learnt that sugar or more specifically fructose, not fat, is what is causing a lot of the issues associated with obesity in the world. That’s the gist of it. I think figured if I could cut down this intake, then that may help me to get rid of some of my hunger cravings, crazy ass mood swings and lulls and improve my overall happiness.

I have survived day 1. I am actually feeling quite fuzzy and sleepy at the moment. I actually felt really good after my gym session but started to crash at about 8.30. Today I managed to stay within the 1300 calories. I’m doing the lean and strong program so have upped my calories straight up from the 1200 as I only have a couple of kilos to lose.

Today I ate:

• Hardboiled egg on avocado toast (burgen wholemeal and seed)
• 1 cup of strawberries
• 1 large cup of expresso with 2 tablespoons-ish of oat milk
• 5 raw almonds
• 12 wholemeal Sakatas (throwing these out because they were incredibly salty)
• Curried egg sandwich using full-fat Greek yoghurt instead of mayonaise
• 1/2 punnet of blueberries with 2 tablespoons of full-fat Greek yoghurt
• 1 carrot and 1 large celery stalk
• 2 corn cruskits, 1/2 laughing cow wedge cheese and 1 hardboiled egg white
• Minestrone soup with lentils

Not bad I have to say. I’m not sure what others think but I am please I managed to limit my intake of fruit. I’ve chosen primarily berries and kiwifruit as they are said to be containing the least amount of sugar. I don’t think I would be able to completely omit fruit from my diet. I think I would die but this is a great start and definitely worth it. Also to get the sugar hit without the sugar, I have been drinking licorice tea. A lifesaver. I have no real strategy other than willpower and to get these last kilos I put on, to go off.

So there you go. Why I’m going sugar-free in a nutshell. I hope to share more links and articles as I go but bare with the crazy, half-hashed blogs as I’m still in a daze!