I have to admit the last few days have been a bit of an up and down in mood. I am sick of feeling upset about what a fatty I am and that I might have to resign myself to the fact that I will never be able to slim down to my goal size, EVER! I have been working hard at the gym but trying to maintain the former 5-6 days of training I used to do has been hard (even then I never really dropped any dress sizes). I haven’t been going for my dance classes and since I stopped running, I’ve lost all motivation for that. I am just angry. I don’t understand why I was designed this way and why I just can’t stop eating all the crap I still enjoy eating. Tell me, is there really something wrong with me? Is there something wrong with society telling people that if they are larger than a certain size they will die? I mean seriously, we are all going to die anyway. Is it the numerous magazines that I read that say that being size 0 is the norm and it is the best size to be? Really I don’t know. It shits me. I still feel like the ugly duckling and all my friends have become the beautiful swans. How much exercise do I have to do to make myself feel good? TELL ME!!!

I think I’m losing the battle…